It’s dog shi … well you get it.
Man, do I ever hate talking during a movie.
Don’t get me wrong—there is a night-and-day difference between being in a rowdy, packed crowd for a midnight cult screening of The Room or The Rocky Horror Picture Show and trying to watch a new flick. I was at my local theater recently, and these two older New York guys—had to be in their late 60s or 70s—were just yakking away right through Ridley Scott’s latest movie, The Dog Stars.
About five minutes in, I leaned over and said, “Hey guys, do you mind keeping it down?” One of them goes, “Yeah, sahry buddy, we’ll keep it down.” And to their credit, they did… for about thirty minutes. Then the other guy starts choking on his popcorn. I actually stood up and said, “Sir, do you need help?!” He waves me off, chugs his soda, lets out a massive “Ahhh…”, and his buddy goes, “Yeah, sahry ’bout dat. He does dat sometimes.” Combined age: easily 140. You can’t make this stuff up.
Why am I telling you this? Because that was a hell of a lot more entertaining than the pretentious, visually stunning snoozefest that is The Dog Stars. Look, I love Ridley Scott as much as the next person, but at 88 years old, the man needs to learn when to hand over the keys. Call me crazy, but not everyone can keep cranking out the goods in their 90s like Clint Eastwood. But that’s a whole other story.
Hig (Jacob Elordi) and Cima (Margaret Qualley) enjoy a cup of joe in a joe-less world.
Stars paints a world in ruins: Everywhere has been ravaged by a virus. Pockets of the world are tribal and minimal. Hig (Jacob Elordi) is a former mechanic turned pilot who has teamed up with a gruff Bangley (Josh Brolin) to live out their days in an airport hanger. They hunt, protect what is theirs and live out their days. While flying around getting supplies, Hig sometimes hears calls on the radio from Grand Junction and is convinced this place must be the key to getting back to what used to be before the world went to hell in a hand basket.
Hig has a heart of gold. Bangley is a “shoot first and ask later” kind of fellow, and especially so in these times, he really tries to teach Hig that you can’t trust anyone to do the right thing. There is also a group of wild people out there called “The Reapers” and if you shouldn’t trust them, then you shouldn’t trust anyone. Every person who comes to their land is an enemy in Bangley’s eyes and Hig thinks the best of them. Afterall, he was going to be a family man before the virus took his wife and unborn child.
One day, Hig decides to leave the nest and flies to Grand Junction. However, engine failure strikes and he crash lands on a mountain side. After spotting a donkey (I mean, how often do YOU see a donkey, let alone in a post apocalypse world?) he follows it back to a farm. The farm seems OK, then there’s a gun in his face. This farm is owned and operated by Pops (Guy Pearce) and his beautiful, yet open-minded daughter Cima (Margaret Qualley), but Pops ain’t having it from some random tall hunk that happened to crash land by his farm and chase donkey. However, Cima seems to warm up to Hig.
Over time, the inevitable love birds learn they are very much the same: Both lost their significant others and both are so lonely they could cry in this new world. Together, with Pops, they clear the area for the plane, fix the engine and just in time, because The Reapers are reaping and the crew take off for brighter land at Grand Junction.
Reapers gonna reap.
The movie does continue, but overall, this felt like a by-the-numbers approach to filmmaking that Scott has avoided in his 60+ year career. Say what you will about Prometheus, but the movie did go out there; same with Napoleon. Yeah, the movies had issues, but overall: Excellent and very much daring.
The Dog Stars, which is an adaptation of Peter Heller’s 2012 massive hit novel, focuses on human connection and being hopeful at a time when being hopeless is all we have. The movie doesn’t lose sight of this, it just can’t go anywhere. Plot lines come and go like a sneeze; character depth is as shallow as an inch of water. The actors look like they just want to hammer a check and walk away. Josh Brolin brings his A-game, but when the whole team is scoring F’s, you look as good as a C-student.
Cinematographer Erik Messerschmidt (Mank) is the unsung hero of Stars. He blends muted color patterns to lush green scenery and deep blue skies of Italy to sell the world that has gone away, while still holding onto its natural beauty. Messerschmidt had to adopt Scott’s meticulous multi-camera shooting method (up to eight cameras at a time) while making sure everything looked as perfect as it did. This sounds like a movie itself. When breaking that down, only a true artist would be able to match this. It’s a shame the story couldn’t keep up.
“You ain’t too bright, is-ya?” Josh Brolin giving his all as Bangley.
It’s sad to say this, but we all will age out. If we’re lucky, we get old enough to enjoy life and surround ourselves with family and friends while we live out our final moments in happiness. Scott doesn’t have a lot of good years left (he very well may be in his last few). I think it’s time to call it a day, reflect on a career that has spanned several generations and inspired millions of filmmakers around the world, and smile.
The Dog Stars is now playing in theaters
Directed by Ridley Scott
Written by Mark L Smith, Peter Heller (Book)
Starring: Jacob Elordi, Margaret Qualley, Josh Brolin, Guy Pearce
Genre: Adventure, drama
Runtime: 118 mins
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