Classic American Movies

The podcast is now a blog! Everything you wanted to know about a movie and then some. They're not all classics or American made, but I guarantee they're all movies. Check out the links below for episodes and more.

Christopher Kelly

I’m just a man who loves movies and loves talking about them. Classic American Movies is my podcast and now review blog! Unless otherwise noted, all writings are by me.

Movie Reviews

Primate

See it ASAP! It’s a blast!

Finally! A movie for me!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve made it to the theaters to review anything. With the new house, building my new studio (by myself mainly. What? You didn’t think I knew how to use my hands?), I had to put things on hold. However, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control, that is now on hold and I made it back to reviewing until all is well with the new house and I can go back to building.

I love me some monkey horror. The sillier the better. Back in the 80’s, “nature runs amok” or “mother nature horror” (with a slight push towards monkeys) was all the rage. After Jaws in ‘75, all the studios wanted to do was make ultra low budget horror flicks with a sense of “gotta love the earth, man” tone. Were they any good? Well, when’s the last time you watched Shakma, Link or Monkey Shines?

Johannes Roberts (47 Meters Down) is back to basics on what makes a movie enjoyable: Good looking leads, throwaway plot and awesome death scenes. Now, I’m not going to attack Roberts for this, I meant it in a good way. He knows the subject and aces the test without flaws. You don’t need a complicated plot or cultural awareness. Just give me the ticket and let’s have a blast from start to finish. I want to add: If you don’t love Primate in the opening scene, then go to another theater: It just gets better from there.

_{It’s all fun and games till a mongoose gets loose. Hannah (Jess Alexander) with Ben (Miguel Torres Umba)}

Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) is flying back to Hawaii with her pals to visit her dad and Ben, the family monkey, for the weekend. Her father, Adam (Troy Kotsur) is deaf, and his thriller novel series based on Ben is being made into a movie. Lucy’s pals Kate (Victoria Wyant) and the less appreciated and overly dominating Hannah (Jess Alexander) tag along for fun in the sun, but first need to plant the seed of boy toys to stop by later.

Lucy’s childhood guy friend, now super single hottie Nick (Benjamin Cheung) picked her and friends up from the airport; little sister Erin (Gia Hunter) is hanging with Ben and hijinks seem like silly family fun. It would appear that all is going pretty well in casa de Adam until a rabid mongoose flies into Ben’s cage at night and bites Ben.

Although no one saw the attack, they’ve noticed that Ben isn’t his normal self. Adam brings a dead mongoose to the table and says he’s going to send it out for testing. “You never know,” he signs. Although he is concerned, Adam has to go to a book signing and producer meet-and-greet, so he calls the vet to have a look and leaves for the night.

A group of girls with a young man with more boys coming later all the while they’re being terrorized by a rabid monkey … Bananas aren’t the only thing on the menu. I don’t know why you’re still reading and haven’t jumped in your car to go to the theater by now.

_{Monkey see, monkey whip yo ass!}

During my conversation with Roberts a few years ago, I told him that I loved his style of filmmaking. His framing and angles suggest certain characters are going to live and WHAM! He kills them. I love being shocked and surprised all the while a monkey is wreaking havoc. Does the story matter? Can you ball park what happens? Yeah, probably, but that’s the fun of it.

In the last several years Hollywood has been churning out movies that are supposed to “hold a mirror to reality.” The new way is to be as realistic as possible and to be quite frank: I’m sick of it. I don’t go to movies to be battered over the head with what to think, who to vote for or how I’m supposed to be ashamed of what someone from an Ivy League school with great parental connections assumes my ancestry is. I want to be entertained. Primate is not going to win Oscars, or make you think. It’s going to give you what we need right now: A rabid monkey killing good looking teens. You’ll laugh, be scared and when the lights come on, smile.

What else do you want?

Primate is now playing in theaters

Directed by Johannes Roberts

Written by Johannes Roberts and Ernest Riera

Starring: Johnny Sequoyah , Jess Alexander, Troy Kotsur

Genre: Horror, mother nature horror

Runtime: 89 mins

by Christopher Kelly February 3, 2026February 3, 2026

Silent Night Deadly Night

Don’t be a Grinch: It’s a blast!

It’s a slasher that’s a remake of a slasher from 40 years ago that was one of the most protested movies in history due to its depiction of Santa Claus as a killer. The original Silent Night Deadly Night is jam packed with cult classic lines shouted like “NAUGHTY!” and “PUNISH!” before victims are hacked to bits by an axe. There’s gratuitous nudity, people being killed with Christmas decor and amazing 80’s music that your grandmother would blush if she listened to it again.

What were you expecting from this movie?

Honest to goodness: I’d really like to know why there is so much hate on this remake. Yeah, there’s a little too much stuffing in the plot; the movie pours on too much of a story, but to its core: Silent Night, Deadly Night is the pumpkin pie on an otherwise lump-of-coal year in movies. If you’ve seen the controversial original and sequel (feel free to cross the 2012 remake off your list), then you have a basic understanding of what’s going on.

_{Rohan Campbell as Billy Chapman}

Billy Chapman (Rohan Campbell, Halloween Ends), witnessed his parents being murdered by Santa on Christmas Eve as a boy after visiting his grandfather. As a young man, he is tormented by a voice in his head which tells him to and when to kill everyday from December 1-24th. After years of killing, the voice guides him to the town of Hackett, Wis (“Oh, I like the sound of this place,” the voice groans). It’s a nice small, quiet town that has a beautiful girl (Pamela, Ruby Modine, Matthew’s daughter, Shameless) who Billy would like to know more.

After watching Pamela for a little while in a cafe, Billy notices she goes to Ida’s Trinket Tree (great nod to Ira’s Toy Store in the original). He follows and tries to play coy, but … Pamela knows Billy is up to something.

^{Ruby Modine as Pamela}

So, Billy does the logical thing and applies for a job and becomes a stock boy for Ida’s. After working for a while, Billy notices that he isn’t the only one in town who has the hots for Pamela. She has an unruly ex-boyfriend police officer that may be stalking her (Max, David Tomlinson); an older man who likes to get handsy with the younger ladies (George, Tom Young), just to name a few. The Voice notices the unruly people and urges Billy to kill … kill … KILL!

I’m not going to get too far into spoiler territory, but I assure you this movie isn’t rocket science, but I did enjoy the new spin on the original films. Yes, it’s true that director/writer Mike P. Nelson did his own thing here and mainly used the kernels of the original two films. Much like Rob Zombie did with his Halloween remake: It’s very clear we are watching a different take.

SNDN isn’t the over-the-top violence that Terrifier 2 & 3 was (although they are all from the same studio), and that I applaud. Although I liked the first Terrifier movie, it was pretty clear the violence just wasn’t my thing. SNDN has bloodbaths, but it’s not gross. Also, with Terrifier 3, watching someone getting a chainsaw up the rear end just isn’t my bag, man. SNDN hits the right amount of comedy with the violence and adds characters that are likable.

After seeing Campbell in Halloween Ends, I didn’t think much of him, but his character depth shows us a man on a mission. Not out of want, but out of necessity to quiet the voice. The Voice (which we discover the who and where of it, but I don’t want to spoil that), acts as a fatherly figure throughout Billy’s life, but it must be fed every December. It teaches him how to shave, who to avoid and how to behave in public. It is sort of charming and warm-hearted, although The Voice wouldn’t be there if it weren’t for the parental deaths. Because Campbell is reacting to nothing, SNDN shows his acting range beyond a one-note or a wig covering his face (The Monkey). His Billy is no hunk, but one could see his charm in being a young, quiet serial killer.

Modine’s Pamela brings energy last seen in Alicia Silverstone from the 90’s. As Pamela, she is a dominant force that commands what she wants, but knows when she’s crossed the line. Pamela is described as having “explosive personality disorder” lovingly by her father. She’s beautiful, protective and has a morbid curiosity for serial killers. Lucky for her, Billy just drifted into town. As with Cambpell: At no point did Modine look or feel like she was acting. These looked like two kids in love (or at least infatuated). This is likely one of the causes for the hate: A love story in SNDN, but I felt like it worked. Why can’t Billy be in love? He’s not some mindless killer hell bent on revenge. True, he does suffer from many on many personality disorders, but he is human and he deserves to be loved. Just like everyone else does …

Unsurprisingly, the movie ends with an opening for sequels. Would you have wanted everything wrapped up in a nice package left under the tree? I know I wouldn’t. In recent times, it’s very clear that studios don’t know how to gauge anything. Somehow Terrifier became a massive success. Tubi movies are making money in theaters and the world stopped caring about superheroes. SNDN isn’t going to win an Oscar and it’s likely it’ll barely break even at the box office. However, it was a good popcorn munching Christmas slasher time. Relax, grab some cocoa and candy canes. It’s not punishment.

Side note:

I interviewed Eric Freeman, star of Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 years ago. He was such a nice guy, we remained friends and I spoke with him the other day. Check out my interview here.

Silent Night Deadly Night is now playing in theaters

Written and directed by Mike P Nelson

Starring: Rohan Campbell, Ruby Modine

Genre: Horror, slasher horror

Runtime: 96 mins

by Christopher Kelly December 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Reedland

Not bad, just needed a stronger editor.

What does guilt do to a man?

Johan is a regular man, with a regular job and a regular life. He could have done nothing to prevent the guilt and by all accounts is not responsible. So why is he so bothered by said guilt when he isn’t guilty?

Johan (Gerrit Knobbe) is, amongst other things, a reed cutter. While performing his job in the wetlands of Northern Netherlands he discovers a dead girl (“Dorpskind” or “Village Girl”, in German as she is credited as, played by Lola Van Zoggel). Not really sure what to do, he calls the emergency number, and the police take information and say they will solve the crime. Johan looks after his granddaughter Dana (Loïs Reinders), who looks to be around the same age as “Dorpskind”. Up until this moment, neither Johan nor Dana knew their small rural area was capable of this kind of atrocity. Although Dana didn’t know the dead girl, she can’t help but notice something is off with her grandfather. Johan thinks about his life, the girls’ life in relation to Dana and what the dead girls’ family must be going through.

Who was the “Dorpskind” and what did she do for this to happen to her? Johan can’t help but think that the parents of the girl he discovered are destroyed because they won’t be able to do what he and Dana are currently doing: Living. Johan’s guilt turns to obsession and he wants to solve the crime of the “Dorpskind”. But will his obsession make him right? There is a dirt bike trail that leads to where the girl was and that was behind the Petter farm. Their son, Morris (Cor Hendriksen) rides a dirt bike. To be honest, Morris is kind of a jerk. But, would he kill?

_{Dana (Loïs Reinders) and Johan (Gerrit Knobbe) in Reedland.}

Sven Bressner nailed casting Knobbe as his lead because Knobbe isn’t an actor, he’s a reed cutter. The pain and longing to help in a self loathing mind is read through Knobbe’s beaten down gait yet friendly steel-eyed expression that has us thinking: What happened to you? Bressner’s wide angles in an open field tell us the story of the lonely Johan who wants us to know him, but does he want to have a conversation?

Bressner hands us a straight story told in an elaborate fashion. Although the movie was about where you’d expect, the bulk of the film comes from B-roll. A small talk leads to minutes of driving that leads to minutes of walking that leads to Johan working. There’s a lot of internal dialogue and not much being stated. You feel Johan’s pain, and see his loneliness, but you never hear what’s bothering him. Does Johan want to solve the murder or does he have to? Could he have been the killer? Is it possible Morris is lying? Reedland is the Netherlands’ official submission to the 98th Academy Awards and it begins its limited release on December 12. It’s not the wise cracking, bone splitting action that we would imagine. What we have is a thought-provoking in-depth glance at a man who does the right thing without being prompted. From a lifetime of hard work, just doing is second nature. Is Johan right or wrong?

The answer to everything is somewhere in the reeds.

Christopher Kelly

Reedland opens on December 12 in Los Angeles at Laemmle Theaters

Written and directed by Sven Bressner

Starring: Gerrit Knobbe

Genre: Drama

Runtime: 119 mins

by Christopher Kelly December 12, 2025December 12, 2025

So I’ve finally made a blog

It really was inevitable. My reviews were getting too wordy for Instagram and I wanted to say more. I know most people didn’t have an issue with it, but I did. I like being wordy. In fact, it’s one of my downfalls. Also, I’m greedy and I want to own my words. What’s a real bummer is that you don’t actually own anything that’s on social media, so I decided to take the plunge and drop $96 a year and create my own blog. So I could be more wordy and … ownership.

If you’re already an avid reader of my posts, then thank you for coming onto the blog. If this is your first time, then allow myself to introduce myself: I’m Chris Kelly. I love movies and I love talking about them. As far back as I can remember I’ve loved going to the theater and watching films. Yes, I know I could have spent my time being more productive, but I loved the cinema. The darkness, the smell and the exciting movies! It’s all so surreal. I couldn’t say which was my favorite movie growing up, because I loved them all. From the far out 60’s hippie flicks to the ridiculous action 80’s cinema to the indie world and beyond: I love ’em. Now that I’m an adult, I figured I would create my own blog. It’ll be filled with reviews, thoughts, friend’s posts (as I am friends with writers) and more.

The reviews will be longer and more in-depth; the podcast will stay the same. In fact, just about everything will be the same. Although I like posting my reviews to Instagram, they really needed to be longer and

I hate being constricted to so many words and now I can write out what length I think the reviews should be. Not only that, but I can write out more things and invite others to join in on the fun! I’m very new to the blogging world, so bear with me as I learn as I go.

If you’re a fan of movies and reading movie reviews then you’ve found the right place. This blog is based on my podcast of the same name and the reviews I was putting on Instagram and Facebook. So, kick back, check out my thoughts and hit me up for a chance to write for this blog.

Die My Love

Give it a few days before making a final call. After making their busting-through-the-walls movie last year with The Substance, Mubi is back and they’re throwing more arthouse on the table. Lynne Ramsay’s latest movie Die My Love is a hard hitting flick about a woman spiraling into madness due to postpartum depression. It’s stacked…

by Christopher Kelly November 21, 2025

Christy

Stream if this is your thing. ****This review contains spoilers, however, it isn’t anything you can’t find with a Google search**** There’s a rising trend in female athlete movies. They all seem to be very hollow. Last year’s Queen of the Ring about Mildred Burke, the first female wrestler in the 1930’s-50s, was such a…

by Christopher Kelly November 12, 2025

Black Phone 2

Stream it, if you really want. Remember all the way back in 2007 when Blumhouse started making noise with “You have to vote on this movie to have it shown in your area” style of distribution? Although the name had been around for several years at that point (Blumhouse’s inception was in 2000), no one…

by Christopher Kelly November 4, 2025November 4, 2025