Classic American Movies

The podcast is now a blog! Everything you wanted to know about a movie and then some. They're not all classics or American made, but I guarantee they're all movies. Check out the links below for episodes and more.

Christopher Kelly

I’m just a man who loves movies and loves talking about them. Classic American Movies is my podcast and now review blog! Unless otherwise noted, all writings are by me.

Movie Reviews

Ice Cream Man

A great way to cool off on a hot summer day.

Everyone, lend me your ears.

It’s about time we all sat down and talked about films and what to expect from them. Especially when you’re watching one from an established writer/director. What I’m about to say may shock and disturb some of you, but dammit, it needs to be said.

When you saw the poster/trailer/any ads for Eli Roth’s Ice Cream Man did you think this was going to be Lawrence of Arabia of horror?

^{Ari Millen as the Ice Cream Man. Now serving delicious DEATH.}

I’m asking an honest question here. All the hate I’ve seen for his movie is stupid. Way back in 2002 with Roth’s big screen debut Cabin Fever, he established himself as a horror filmmaker with a camp twist. As his movies progressed, he dabbled in acting (I’m assuming to save on money) but his movies all stayed around the same block. Let’s not speak of the horrendous Knock, Knock. I’ll spare him that.

Yeah, I know: This is a bit of a surprise.

After seeing Ice Cream Man, which is not a remake of the 1995 Clint Howard straight-to-video classic, I, too, thought I was going to experience George Stevens-like filmmaking. In case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic. Yes, this movie gave off all the vibes of a goofy horror flick that was expected to be gross, violent and silly. There’s no plot to get in the way of the movie and that’s the way I like it.

Jared (Charlie Zeltser, voice of Percy from Thomas and Friends) is a skinny dork that may never get the girl. Fresh off of losing a baseball game, the opposing team’s manager buys his team ice cream from the silent but friendly Ice Cream Man (Ari Millen, Vicious Fun, but most would know his work on Orphan Black). Jared, as a joke for losing the game, is offered some ice cream, but he is lactose intolerant. So some of the delicious frozen treats on a hot summer afternoon would cause more damage than good. Big sis Lizzie (Sarah Abbott) smacks the cone out of Jared’s hands before he can take a bite. That night at family dinner with Eli “Pops” Roth and Alison (Karen Cliche, who’s a regular in the horror world), we discover they have a normal healthy family life.
While all the adults are sleeping, kids who ate the ice cream brutally murder their parents. Jared goes to school and notices no one is really there. Maybe it’s the last week of school feelings or maybe it’s the HAUNTED ICE CREAM. The only other two kids in the school who didn’t eat the dessert are Jared’s crush Mia (Kiori Mirza Waldman), and too-cool-for-school Tommy (Shiloh O’Reilly). Bodies are piling up all around them and homework is still due. What will they ever do?!?!

^{The kids devour the goods and KILL KILL!}

Now, look: I would be lying if I said this movie had a kick ass story. But that’s the beauty of Roth: He isn’t trying to. He’s giving the audience what they asked for: Violence and gore! And he doesn’t hold back. I really don’t know what else to say other than that.

There’s plenty of gross effects and fun dialogue. The movie knows exactly what it is: A tasty, fattening, high calorie flick with no nutritional value. To repeat myself: What were you expecting? I knew what I was walking into and I left very satisfied, with sprinkles on top.

Eli Roth should take on The Dentist after all the cavities from Ice Cream Man.

^{If you see this photo and think the movie is going to be silly violent fun, then I dunno what to tell you.}

Ice Cream Man is now playing in theaters

Directed by Eli Roth

Written by Eli Roth, Noah Belson

Starring: Charlie Zeltser, Kiori Mirza Waldman, Shiloh O’Reilly

Genre: Horror, Comedy

Runtime: 86 mins

by Christopher Kelly August 26, 2026August 26, 2026

Supergirl

This movie will make you get up, up and away from your theater.

It’s official: Superhero fatigue is here.

While critics have been pointing at 2019’s Avengers: Endgame as the turning point, the mass audience has been checking out since the 2022 Black Adam debacle. I never bought into the formula to begin with; it’s all the same glossy, ‘save-the-world’ caped crap. At least with horror or comedy, you can switch things up—but here? The hero wins, evil loses, and the audience leaves bored. But hey, I’m just a guy with an opinion; plenty of people write about this stuff who actually enjoy the genre.

Supergirl is just more of the same—a wash-rinse-repeat entry in decades of tired tropes. It’s got that safe James Gunn vibe, designed to keep the tweens smiling and the soundtrack accessible enough that nobody gets confused. I’ll keep the spoilers to a minimum, but I’d bet a box of Hot Tamales you can already guess exactly how this plays out.

^{Milly Alcock as Kara Zor-El (Supergirl) and her dog Krypto}

Kara Zor-El (Milly Alcock) is Superman’s cousin, but unlike Clark Kent (David Corenswet), she actually grew up on Krypton. The planet is all good, but it’s valuable resources are carelessly mined and Kara’s dad launches her to Earth, dog Krypto in tow, to find her cousin. She lands on Earth, learns English, figures out the yellow sun gives her powers, and tries to live a normal life.

Fast forward to her twenties: she’s a hardened, booze-guzzling mess drifting from planet to planet. She sticks to red-sun zones to keep her powers in check. While she’s nursing a drink at a dive bar, a girl named Ruthye (Eve Ridley) comes in searching for ‘The Krem’ (Matthias Schoenaerts), the space pirate who killed her family. After a scuffle where Kara has to intervene, she gets dragged into a revenge mission. Why? Well …Krypto gets shot with a poison dart, and suddenly, they’re on a quest to stop the bad guys. This story is as fresh as flatulence after a chili cook-off.

Jason Momoa’s Rob Zombie, ehh Lobo, shows up, feeling like a late-game reshoot addition—stilted, out of place, and given nothing to do. James Gunn’s influence feels like a gimmick at this point. If he were attached to something that didn’t feel like this, I’d be shocked.

^{Jason Momoa as Lobo, getting ready to slam in the back of his dragula.}

Comparing Supergirl to a bad movie feels like calling all slashers trash. The formula that worked for Marvel for years just doesn’t land anymore. It doesn’t matter what company’s name is on it. You can’t just keep partying like you’re twenty because the hangover eventually hits.

What really sucks is that Alcock seems like a decent person in interviews and is happy to be part of the DC universe. She comes off as confident and cool, wanting to make Kara her own. When asked about not looking at previous Supergirls for guidance, she said “They’re just people living their lives. It’s not like we have this blood bond,” which I can respect.

The movie has crash landed at the worst time. Based on the box office thus far, audiences are sick of superheroes, not just female superheroes, as was being touted. It’s clear that people want less polish, more filth. They want something, anything different. It’s pretty clear why movies like Obsession and Backrooms are obliterating the box office on budgets that this movie spent on water: It’s different.

Supergirl is the final nail in the coffin.

_{“What re you looking at, butthead?” The Krem (Matthias Schoenaerts) and Supergirl square off.}

Side note:

Why was Superman portrayed as a whiny Aunt? He’s Superman. Yeah, I get having him call Kara and wish her happy birthday but he is annoying in this. I just rewatched Superman after viewing this and he doesn’t come off that way in the movie. It would appear that sometimes actress and second script ever writer Ana Nogueria wants to diminish men to being pathetic and wants to tell the world. The reshoots calmed this down but still: The feeling is in the air.

Supergirl is now playing in theaters

Directed by Craig Gillespie

Written by Ana Nogueria

Starring: Milly Alcock, Eve Ridley, Matthias Schoenaerts

Genre: Action

Runtime: 107 mins

by Christopher Kelly June 29, 2026

Disclosure Day

Visually amazing, no depth.

Steven Spielberg is easily one of the most (if not the most) recognizable names in Hollywood history. Almost anyone can name one of his movies, and I would be willing to bet a large sum of money that for at least two generations everyone can say one of his movies that heavily affected their lives. For me, that’s Jaws. When I was a boy and watched that for the first time, it scared me so badly I didn’t want to take a bath. I was terrified the shark would bust through the bathtub and a Quint-like fight-for-my-life would ensue. Jurassic Park was released when I was in second grade, when I learned about dinosaurs, so Park felt like it was my personal film. I’ve always loved that movie and own it on multiple physical media formats because … Well, that’s love.

I dare say that Spielberg has a near perfect career. Having only a few flops to his name in over 50 years is out of this world. He also revolutionized the industry in 1975 with Jaws, making him not only a genius filmmaker, but he, almost alone, completely changed when movies were released. Over the decades his films have heavily showcased his interest in extraterrestrial life. Some serious, others family friendly, but all were amazing. At the age of 79, 35 feature films directed, five of which are about aliens, Spielberg doesn’t seem to be slowing down. Here comes Disclosure Day. Which, as one would think based on the title, would be all about the disclosure of alien life forms and the effect on humanity.

^{Emily Blunt as Margaret Fairchild}

Day begins with a punch to the gut. We meet a bunch of people, don’t know what’s going on, but I’m invested. I’ve been vocal about loving movies (and books) that begin in the middle of an action and the audience needs to figure out what’s going on. Dr. Daniel Kellner (Josh O’Connor, Wake Up Dead Man) is a former hacker turned cyber security expert for Wardex (Watch, Recon, Develop, EXtract), a behind-the-curtain company tasked with suppressing alien knowledge to the public. After seeing countless videos of aliens, Kellner decides to expose everything. Not so fast, Dr. K, Noah Scanlon (Colin Firth, The King’s Speech), head of Wardex, isn’t having it. They got Kellner’s girlfriend, Jane (Eve Hewson, Jay Kelly) and are ready to swap data for the girl. But, that wouldn’t be a very good opening, so Kellner sykes his way out of the trade off and he and Jane go on the lam, learning more about Jane’s nunhood previous life and search for a way to disclose the truth to the world.

Margaret Fairchild (Emily Blunt, The Devil Wears Prada) is the local weather girl for Kansas City television. She wakes up one day and can speak fluent languages she’s only heard in movies. While delivering the weather, she starts speaking in a strange clicking tone that immediately goes viral. This language she was speaking wasn’t her having a stroke, it was alien and only Dr. K can understand it. Because … You know, he speaks alien too. Duh. But they must meet up, because they both have a connection that cannot be explained. It’s a race across the lands for Fairchild and Dr. K to meet, expose and let the world know the truth. Wardex will stop at nothing to get the files back. Former Wardex employee Hugo Wakefield (Colman Domingo, who has been quietly having the best decade for an actor) is reconstructing Fairchild’s childhood home to help unlock suppressed alien memories. I mean, yeah, if you have a chance to put Domingo in your movie, just do it.

Buckle up: It’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

Day has some of the most impressive camera work I’ve seen in recent years. Spielberg and cinematographer Janusz Kaminski (his cinematographer for 33 years, starting on Schindler’s List) craft beautiful oners (one long continuous take, without cuts) that not just put you in the moment, but make you forget to breathe. Just from the start, when we are introduced to Fairchild and “something just isn’t right” with her, the look and feel not just showcase how hard she works at the station, but also shows that everyone is weirded out. The camera tags along like an assistant eager with a coffee, but fearful to interrupt. As an audience, we don’t want to look away, but we need to blink. Kellner being pursued by Wardex shows off a car chase as destructive as a Fast and Furious flick, but with the coolness of The Seven-Ups.

^{Colin Firth as Noah Scanlon}

The problem with Day is that there is no care or depth in the characters. Yeah, we get who everyone is, but why should I care about them? They hold all the rich, bold info that will rip humanity apart and change how the world views everything but are presented as flat saucer. Blunt’s Fairchild is impressive with the languages, but looks bored to death when running for her life. In the nearly two and half hour runtime, I felt like I knew nothing of the characters. Apparently Scanlon and Wakefield were buddies, but was it all a front? Wouldn’t Wardex have a backup plan other than “Ah, damn. The hacker got us”? No no no, send out the unhinged guy. Is Scanlon a villain? He comes off as a man who is aggressively doing his job, but not a complete bad guy. How are we to root for Kellner when he was hacking, served time, stole videos and NOW has a conscience? If so, show me rather than telling. Jane’s character is the worst developed and would be the one to push the most: She’s a former nun whose faith is being tested by the idea that aliens exist. Her whole world, as well as billions of people globally, is about to be obliterated. Life as she knew it, dedicated her life, history books are all about to explode with facts and it’s handled like a child dropping their old toy.

^{“Yeah … I’m totally scared for my life.” A very bored Blunt with Josh O’Connor as Dr. Daniel Kellner}

A big issue is that the movie takes place in 2026. This might be showing that Spielberg is losing touch, but the general public doesn’t watch broadcast news anymore. I really mean that. With trust in mainstream media being at an all time low, the vast majority of America wouldn’t care about a Kansas City weather girl talking in tongues on air or they would think it’s artificial intelligence. Either way, the point in the film: A race to put the alien footage live on air, falls apart faster than you can say “Welcome to Earth.” I can’t compare myself to the genius of Spielberg, but a live stream to phones or YouTube video dump would be more compelling.

Maybe I expected more from such an icon of icons. Had this movie been made by a filmmaker of a lesser resume, I would say this is a solid attempt and I would be interested in seeing their next movie. But this is Spielberg. To say that Day is a bad movie would be an insult to the cinematography and back breaking work that went into making it. Visually, it’s a stunning film. You feel the racing pulse of the characters’ investment, but you can’t tell why they are invested. My review may be on the negative side, but rest assured: I come in peace.

Disclosure Day is now playing in theaters

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Written by David Koepp and Steven Spielberg

Starring: Emily Blunt, Josh O’Connor, Colin Firth

Genre: Sci-fi and Action

Runtime: 145 mins

by Christopher Kelly June 19, 2026

So I’ve finally made a blog

It really was inevitable. My reviews were getting too wordy for Instagram and I wanted to say more. I know most people didn’t have an issue with it, but I did. I like being wordy. In fact, it’s one of my downfalls. Also, I’m greedy and I want to own my words. What’s a real bummer is that you don’t actually own anything that’s on social media, so I decided to take the plunge and drop $96 a year and create my own blog. So I could be more wordy and … ownership.

If you’re already an avid reader of my posts, then thank you for coming onto the blog. If this is your first time, then allow myself to introduce myself: I’m Chris Kelly. I love movies and I love talking about them. As far back as I can remember I’ve loved going to the theater and watching films. Yes, I know I could have spent my time being more productive, but I loved the cinema. The darkness, the smell and the exciting movies! It’s all so surreal. I couldn’t say which was my favorite movie growing up, because I loved them all. From the far out 60’s hippie flicks to the ridiculous action 80’s cinema to the indie world and beyond: I love ’em. Now that I’m an adult, I figured I would create my own blog. It’ll be filled with reviews, thoughts, friend’s posts (as I am friends with writers) and more.

The reviews will be longer and more in-depth; the podcast will stay the same. In fact, just about everything will be the same. Although I like posting my reviews to Instagram, they really needed to be longer and

I hate being constricted to so many words and now I can write out what length I think the reviews should be. Not only that, but I can write out more things and invite others to join in on the fun! I’m very new to the blogging world, so bear with me as I learn as I go.

If you’re a fan of movies and reading movie reviews then you’ve found the right place. This blog is based on my podcast of the same name and the reviews I was putting on Instagram and Facebook. So, kick back, check out my thoughts and hit me up for a chance to write for this blog.

Scary MoVIe

Wayans played it too safe. Look, I’ll be the first to admit it: I am a wordy guy. I love to talk, I love to dive deep into the weeds of cinema, and I especially love it when a movie gives me something—anything—to chew on. But after sitting through Scary MoVIe, I’m left with a…

by Christopher Kelly June 11, 2026June 11, 2026

Mortal Kombat II

It’s head splitting, blood drenched fun! Check it out! Way back in 1992 the world was clobbered with one of the most violent video games of all time: Mortal Kombat. The ultra-violent, parent-angering, two person fighter was all the rage. With hitt a few buttons, you could throw a hook at your opponent, yell “GET…

by Christopher Kelly May 22, 2026May 22, 2026

Primate

See it ASAP! It’s a blast! Finally! A movie for me! It’s been a few weeks since I’ve made it to the theaters to review anything. With the new house, building my new studio (by myself mainly. What? You didn’t think I knew how to use my hands?), I had to put things on hold.…

by Christopher Kelly February 3, 2026February 3, 2026