Stream it, if you really want.
Remember all the way back in 2007 when Blumhouse started making noise with “You have to vote on this movie to have it shown in your area” style of distribution? Although the name had been around for several years at that point (Blumhouse’s inception was in 2000), no one really knew who they were. The gamble of “vote to have the movie play” idea was a pretty big pay off, as Paranormal Activity raked in $194 million worldwide ($384 million in today’s value) on a $15k budget ($23K). The Blumhouse ship had finally come in and globally, everyone knew Jason Blum was the new sheriff in horror town.
The years since have been really kind to Blumhouse and they’ve made some seriously good movies: Sinister, Stretch, The Purge, The Visit, and Happy Death Day to name a few. Then it seemed like they had gotten too big for their britches and started buying up Intellectual Properties (IP) and attempting to redeem their costs with low budget garbage. Let me be clear: I do mean complete and utter garbage. Halloween Kills in 2021, the follow up to the delightful Halloween requel in 2018, Blumhouse was showing they didn’t need to make good movies anymore. Shit, they weren’t even attempting to make a good one. Why should they? They took in $133 million on a $20 million budget for Kills, when the majority of theaters had been shut down for covid and it didn’t have one tenth of the camp as Resurrection. I would have died to have heard Tommy Doyle say “Trick or Treat …” like Busta Rhymes. According to sources, Blumhouse paid upwards of $400 million for the rights to The Exorcist. In order to make that money back, there was a planned trilogy. Although it made some good money ($137 million on a $30 million budget), I suspect Blum wasn’t thrilled about having to make a sequel instead of wanting.
Finney (Mason Thames) answers the call from The Grabber (Ethan Hawke).
Why do I bring this up? Well, with the sequel to The Black Phone, aptly titled Black Phone 2, it appears that Blumhouse movies are becoming a flaming bag of poop set out to sea. I would say that it’s a fair assessment to say Blumhouse has become Disney horror and their movies are no longer fun and mysterious: They’re safe, bland and have some cool shots. Don’t get me wrong: I really enjoyed The Black Phone, so much so I did a podcast on it and I like some of Blumhouse’s new movies (pretty sure I’m the only one who liked Night Swim). The first Phone was dark, daring and not really anything we’ve seen in the past. Director Scott Derrickson has always been listed as one of my favorite horror filmmakers (look at The Exorcism of Emily Rose and tell me that movie doesn’t scare the pants off you) and he made the only good American Hellraiser movie. The before mentioned Sinister was excellent. Even the jump scare worked. So, the question about Black Phone 2 is: Was a sequel necessary?
Derrickson and C. Robert Cargill are back to write a followup to a question that was never asked. It’s the early 80s and Finney (Mason Thames), is riddled with post traumatic stress disorder from killing The Grabber (Ethan Hawke), a masked villain who kidnapped and killed children, and Finney attempts to have a normal teenage life. When we first meet him, it’s much like how we’re introduced to Robin Arellano (Miguel Mora) in the first film: Beating the crap out of a kid. Sensing her brother may not be getting better, foul mouthed younger sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw) tries to guide Finney in a positive direction and be a good kid. However, Gwen has her own life and adorable Ernesto (Mora, he’s back, but as a different guy, which I liked the nice touch) has a Duran Duran sized crush on her.
Back home, the now sober father, Terrence (Jeremy Davies) is putting his best foot forward while trying to raise two teens on his own. Finney is constantly being haunted by ringing phones with The Grabber on the other end, taunting him and Gwen’s foreshadowing dreams of the future have been invaded by children The Grabber has killed. The dreams eventually lead them to Alpine Lake Camp, the Christian camp in the mountains, which is also where Finney and Gwen’s mother used to work before meeting their dad. The summer annual camp is having a Counselor In Training session in the winter and three teens have just signed up. However, there’s a massive snowstorm and the trio, along with the owner and a few year-round employees are stuck.
However, it isn’t all bad. Mando (Demian Bichir), the owner of the camp, knew Finney and Gwen’s mom. Gwen talks about the dreams she’s been having and Mando confesses he, their mother and a man they named “Wild Bill” (The Grabber) all worked at the camp when the kids went missing in 1957. Mando tells them he bought the camp years later in order to find the missing kids, but after years of searching, he’s come up empty. As the search for the missing kids intensifies, so does Gwen’s dreams, becoming more and more violent. If the kids are found, will this be the end of The Grabber and his paranormal reign? Will the phones that follow Finney stop ringing? Will there be anymore surprise cameos? The answer to all three is yes. However, that’s not my issue with the movie.
The Black Phone, much like the story it’s based on by Joe Hill (master of horror Stephen King’s son), really is wrapped up in a nice package. The Grabber is killed, Finney is going to go on life questioning everything and that’s about it. There is no need for a follow up. At no point after watching the original Phone did I think I wanted to know what happened afterwards. Here lies the issue: It’s a cashgrab. And boy howdy is it ever: Phone 2 has already grossed $104 million on a $30 million budget, so I’m going to assume a 3 is in the works. From what I read online, when asked about a sequel and how to go about it, Joe Hill said “I dunno, a phone rings and it’s The Grabber calling from hell.”
The whole idea behind The Grabber invading Gwen’s dreams works for me, but layer that in with the anti-religious undertones of the Christian camp, it falls apart. Scott Derrickson is very open about his Christian religion, so I understand where he’s coming from, but, everyone: I’m just so sick of the anti-religious movies. Every one of them has the Christian characters behaving like dunderheads when an anti-religious person “shows them the light” and how atheism is the righteous path. The opposite is true for The Exorcism, but that ain’t none of my business …
When we’re introduced to the uptight Christian conservative Barbara (Maev Beaty) and Kenneth (Graham Abbey), Gwen lays into them with her famous expletive anger because they don’t want to talk about the missing kids from 1957. Later that night, Gwen is fighting for her life against The Grabber in one of her dreams. Barbara says “That child has the devil in her,” because, you know … it looks like she does. The days go by and when the teens are pretty convinced the missing kids from 1957 are in the lake, they seek the help of Barbara and Kenneth. Kinda freaked out by them, because, you know, their introduction to these new people is swearing and calling Barbara a “cunt” followed by being attacked by the paranormal Grabber, the horse hand, Mustang (Arianna Rivas) gives them a speech about how they are not good Christians. Because, duh you losers: Can’t you tell that this girl you just met is fighting a child killer from beyond the grave in her dreams and she is legit, because we say so? Nevermind the fact that Barbara and Kennth have known Mustang since she was a little girl and grew up with Mando: These three random teens MUST be correct and NOT possessed, insane or on drugs. From Barbara and Kenneth’s perspective: That’s not making a lot of sense.
The Grabber has grabbed his last grab.
I love the idea of Super 8 film being used to show Gwen’s dreams, but that’s about it. It’s a great idea and there isn’t much more to expand on. The whole story leaves too many questions than answers: Why would The Grabber go after Gwen when Finney would make more sense? Yes, Gwen is the one with “psychic” powers, but The Grabber is terrorizing both of them from beyond. He could use Finney as a way to get to Gwen. Why is there a Counselor in Training session in the winter when the camp would know the snow would be bad? Why is everyone so anti-religious at a Christian camp? Why wouldn’t Mando be able to see the dead kids in the spring or summer when the snow and ice melt? These questions are better left unanswered because then the movie falls apart. Perhaps it would have been a better idea to let the idea for The Black Phone 2 rest in peace.
To quote a favorite Stephen King novel of mine: Sometimes, dead is better.
Black Phone 2 is now playing in theaters
Director: Scott Derrickson
Writers: Scott Derrickson and C. Robert Cargill
Starring: Mason Thames, Madeleine McGraw, Ethan Hawke
Genre: Horror
Rating: R
Runtime: 114 mins
Classic American Movies 
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