I liked the beginning.

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Oh boy, there’s a new Strangers in town.

I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I saw the painfully slow, waste of actors and zero-chemistry-with-the-leads box office smash The Strangers: Chapter 1. It did make $48 million on a budget of $8.5 million, and the new trilogy was filmed as one big movie, so I guess I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. 

Why do we need more Strangers movies? I’ve been pretty vocal about my distaste for the first movie, which was released all the way back in 2008. The distaste is based on writer/director Bryan Bertino claiming the original film, The Strangers, was based on a real life home invasion in his neighborhood mixed with Manson family aspects and I’m sure there is truth to that. Last thing I want to do is downplay the horrific tragedy that happened in Bertino’s neighborhood or say what the Manson family did was good. The thing that bothered me is that Bertino never mentions the French film ils which came out two years prior to The Strangers. If you haven’t seen the movie (it’s usually playing on Tubi or even YouTube), it’s more or less the same thing with minor changes. I get The Strangers make money on a small budgets (and now being shot in Slovakia with their tax credits, this new trilogy paid for itself before the last one was completed) but damn man. We have Renny Harlin, the action suspense director that brought us Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger combined with the wit of Alan Freedland and Alan R. Cohen (King of the Hill, Due Date). Theres no reason they can’t come up with a story arc, likable characters or … A better movie.

_{Scarecrow (Matúš Lajčák) and Dollface (Olivia Kreutzova)}

Chapter 2 picks up where the last one left off: Maya (Madelaine Petsch, Riverdale) is in the hospital after the brutal attack from the trio we all know so well: Scarecrow (Matúš Lajčák), Dollface (Olivia Kreutzova) and Pinup (Emma Horvath, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power). With her fiancé, Ryan (Froy Gutierrez, Hocus Pocus 2) dead, Maya wants to believe the attack was a dream, but she’s living a nightmare. Police officers Sheriff Rotter (the magnificent Richard Brake, Barbarian) and Deputy Walters (Pedro Leandro, Portraits of a Dangerous Woman) question Maya as to who would have done this to her and Ryan. Coming up with no answers, they decide to stop at Carol’s diner for a bite to eat. Like every good investigator would do, they blab to the waitress there’s a survivor to the horrific attack and wouldn’t you guess it: The killers are eating there. 

Dun dun DDDUUUHHH …

Grab your masks and kick some ass: That red head is going down. What happens for the rest of the movie is a painfully slow, crawling speed movie that really doesn’t offer anything. Do you think the girl is gonna die? Bruh, it was a planned trilogy. 

_{Scarecrow (Matúš Lajčák)}

At first I didn’t know what direction Chapter 2 was going to go. After the Carol’s Diner, the next 20 mins play out much like John Carpenter’s Halloween II. We go back to an empty hospital and Maya is being chased by Scarecrow. Gorgeously shot in a oner (one long continuous take that is made to put audiences in real time), we travel from Maya’s room to the morgue and finally ending at a crucial moment with only the sounds of barefoot on tile, minor groans and the tap tapping of Scarecrow’s footsteps to guide us. This left me forgetting to breathe and I thought this might be a good flick. However, that feeling faded fast. We’re quickly introduced to some characters that you easily forget and a wild boar attack because director Harlin said he wanted to make this movie have the same feel as First Blood or The Revenant and I was speechless. Remember that scene in First Blood when John Rambo kills the boar in the woods? Combine that with the bear attack in The Revenant and that’s what Harlin was aiming for. You can feel the movie being stretched to its threads to make that tax 33% cash back. 

Around the halfway point I turned to my friend and said “I feel like we’re watching a fetish movie.” I was trying to make sense of Maya being drug through the muck, running through filth and coming out looking like she was in a GG Allin concert. I could imagine being in prep and Petsch saying “Uh, is this scene of me being attacked by a wild boar really necessary?” To which Harlin would look at her and say “Yes and I need you to be covered in mud. Heh Heh …” Sitting in the theater, I was thinking much like the man sitting next to my friend who audibly exclaimed “The hell was that?” Lastly, as I’m sure it’s on everyone’s minds now, but we get a look at Scarecrow and Pinup Girl when they were children and the beginning of the mystery of who Tamara is. 

_{It was at this moment I thought I was watching a fetish movie. Madelaine Petsch as “Maya”}

The Strangers: Chapter 3 is coming soon, so you can take a stab at how this one ends. Are these movies any good? Were they any good? I loved Prey at Night. I loved it so much, I had the director, Johannes Roberts on my podcast to talk about it. Harlin isn’t a bad filmmaker, as he has a slew of great films under his belt (including the ultimate cult classic of the 90s Deep Blue Sea). It’s just timing. We need to have new, fresh material and not origin stories. No more sequels, prequels or requels. We can still have fresh, new talent and actors that can explore these movies. There were roughly 3,000 slasher movies made in the 80’s. Some of them good, some bad and a lot of in between. When I say it is possible to make an original slasher flick, just take a look at that list and let me know how many recycled crap there is, but yet, original stories. Then again, I enjoyed Him and that’s being slammed by everyone and their brother. So, what do I know?

I think it’s just time to set The Strangers out to pasture and wave good bye. It’s been a good run. The filmmakers can afford to put their kids and grandkids through college. The leftover profits can buy a house, keep the lights on and eat a nice meal. But, the trio of baddies have overstayed their 17-year-welcome. Y’all don’t come back now, ya hear?

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The Strangers: Chapter 2 is now playing in theaters. 

Director: Renny Harlin

Writers: Alan R. Cohen and Alan Freedland

Starring: Madelaine Petsch, Matúš Lajčák, Olivia Kreutzova, Emma Horvath, Richard Brake and Pedro Leandro

Genre: Horror/slasher horror

Rating: R

Runtime: 98 mins