Rating: 0.5 out of 5.

Watch this movie just to say you’ve seen it.


“There’s more important things to do other than worry about what’s in someone’s Amazon cart.”

That laughably solid line is from Department of Homeland Security analyst William Radford (Ice Cube), when he’s asked about being hand selected by the President of the United States to lead their new security team. “Now I’m watching you,” he concludes.

Amazon Prime’s H.G. Wells’-rolling-in-his-grave adaptation of his classic novel “War of the Worlds” with Amazon Prime as the main protagonist isn’t just horrible (let’s be honest, all of the WOTW movies aside from the 1953 and 2005 versions were garbage), it’s possibly the worst movie of the year. 

I mean that: What the hell was this movie? There’s movies made about promoting products, but this movie had no shame in using this as a commercial. 

“War of the Worlds” has been dumped on Amazon Prime and is the the eighth (according to Google) film adaptation of Wells’ novel about a deadly alien invasion on earth. In the previous film adaptations, the story tackled many issues other than the basic idea: attack on American soil from an unknown entity; struggling to keep your family safe when they really don’t want anything to do with you; how to overcome an enemy when you don’t know what they are; fighting vs the will to fight. 

Do these aliens even know Amazon?

Finally, we have the WOTW we always needed: Ice Cube as a DHS analyst, going about his day being a wet blanket to his kids when aliens crash the party pooping.

Radford (Cube, who was written as a paraplegic until Cube threw a chair in a scene, raising interest in director Rich Lee to re-write the script) is an over-bearing parent first and computer security to the US government second, is helping the FBI track down a mysterious hacker known as “Disruptor” while still being a helicopter father. His pregnant daughter Faith (Iman Benson) is making William a proud grandparent, if she would just eat healthier for the sake of the baby she’s carrying. Her boyfriend Mark (Devon Bostick) is an Amazon delivery driver, and although he doesn’t have all the things that’ll impress William, Mark at least has a heart of gold and a winning spirit. William’s son, David (Henry Hunter Hall) is a chip off the old block and he’ll make papa proud one day. 

While protecting the US and browsing for Amazon deals, William sees the world is under attack by aliens. He drops his glasses to his nose and says one to two word lines of terror like “Damn” and “Oh Shit” so we know he’s serious. Somehow, it’s up to him and his computer hacking career to save the day. But … the Disruptor is exposing governmental secrets. Who can it be? Someone knows too much. It all seems to be pointing to someone from the inside or someone who knows someone. 

William Radford (Ice Cube) responding to the alien invasion.

What’s this? William can solve it if only he could buy the right tools? Wait, isn’t there an alien invasion? Well, when the world’s gone to war, at least you can count on Amazon Prime to drone drop a jump drive wherever you are. Somehow the aliens are defeated and we see William is going to be a grumpy grandpa. The mental gymnastics alone should win this movie an AWS Partner Award. 

Producer Timur Bekmambetov made a name for himself in 2009 with producing “9”, a very much too-dark-for-kids kids movie. This led him to the fun and frightful “Apollo 11”, which has arguably the silliest monster in outer space history. Shortly after that moderate success, he was  launched to produce “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”. This eventually landed on directing his own ultra low budget “Unfriended”, for just around $1 million in 2014. Bekmambetov’s return to the screen life horror genre about cyberbullying that turns the tables proved to be a pretty big hit and Hollywood was hot for him. This led to a few more movies (including a sequel to his hit) and it seemed like everything was on the up. The format is simple: Just have a few actors, mainly one location, use minimal VFX and viola! Movie. 

In 2020 COVID hit and with lockdowns in place, restrictions out the wazoo, how were we going to make movies? Knock Knock “Is Mr. Bekmambetov available? He is? Hey, do you want to do that screen life thing again? You do?! Have you read ‘War of the Worlds’? Let’s make a movie, then!” 

Mind exploded.

OK, so I’m making that part up, but “Worlds” was filmed in 2020 under COVID restrictions to the point Ray Charles can see that. Cube looked like he was having a blast hammering a check as long as all he had to do was yell at a screen while everyone else filled in the rest of the blanks later on and ADR’d (Automated Dialogue Replacement) the voices. Pad that with Amazon Prime flare and the promise of the Amazon’s Prime Air where Amazon can find you literally anywhere you are to deliver your purchase and here’s your commercial, I mean movie. On a special note: Prime Air is available in select areas and I believe this movie is being used as a way to slowly introduce the cool concept to users. Provided you watch the movie.

To call “Worlds” a bad movie would be an insult to bad movies. I’ve read reviews calling it “‘The Room’ of 2025!” To compare Ice Cube’s acting to the genius of Tommy Wiseau is an abomination. You’re literally tearing me apart. It’s a painful slap in the face of films from the USA Network’s Saturday Matinee when I would watch classics like “Ticks” and “Skeeter” during my teenage years. At least those movies didn’t have budgets, but damn did they have fun. 

No, WOTW is like a man going to the bathroom. The actors are his clothing; the script is his unbuckled pants and the movie is the smelly mess that gets flushed. 


War of the Worlds now streaming on Amazon Prime

Director: Rich Lee

Writers: Kenny Golde, Marc Hyman, H.G. Wells (novel)

Stars: Ice Cube, Eva Langoria, Iman Benson, Devon Bostick, Henry Hunter Hall

Genre: Sci-Fi, screenlife

Runtime: 91 mins

Rated: PG-13

Posted in

Leave a comment