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The dating scene is just so crap.
It really is. You go out, wear nice clothes, pretend to put on a show, talk about yourself to someone who you may not even like by the end of the night. The best thing that could happen is you wind up with someone who’ll likely get tired of you in a few months or if you’re really lucky, a year and then you’re back to square one. If there really is “the one” the chances of meeting them on a dating app or by chance are slim to none. We all have to put on a show for someone else and then what?
Thankfully, I’m no longer in that situation, however for Iris (Molly Gordon, You People) and Isaac (Logan Lerman, Percy Jackson), they’re in the thick of it. They’ve been dating for a few months and decided to do the one thing that’ll make or break the relationship: The weekend getaway.
Everything starts out cute and fun: Isaac accidentally runs into a local strawberry stand, causing the couple to have to buy them all; they make love in the house because of “disease” Iris has in which she must have sex in all places new to her and they meet a weird neighbor, Steve (played hilariously by comedian David Cross) while swimming in the lake. That night Isaac makes scallops for dinner, they kiss and hold hands which eventually leads to the bedroom to explore some kinky behavior from items found in a locked closet.
Iris chains Isaac up, they do the do and Iris is thrilled about what seems to be a perfect start to their first weekend trip as a couple. They both smile and it really looks like these two kids might have cracked the code to dating in today’s world. There’s a fun, but serious conversation about their relationship and Iris almost looks like the shimmer in her bright blue eyes are about to drop the “L” word until …
Isaac (Logan Lerman) and Iris (Molly Gordon) are figuring it out.
“I told you I wasn’t looking for anything serious,” Isaac confesses, still chained to the steel bed frame. “Wait, what do you mean? We said we were exclusive,” Iris starts, only to be cut off by Isaac informing Iris that he very clearly started in the beginning he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. Then why the kissing, having sex, dates for months now and why come to this trip? None of this is making any sense to Iris.
Tears in her eyes, Iris storms out of the room, leaving Isaac to his own thoughts. After reading about online dating from “experts” Iris comes to the conclusion that she must leave Isaac tied to the bed and SHOW him that she’s good for him. “Most men don’t know what they want, so it’s up to us to show them,” one “expert” says. Another suggests leaving him tied up for 12 hours and by the end of it, he’ll see or leave.
After things don’t look so good for Iris she calls her best friend Max (Geraldine Viswanathan, Drive-Away Dolls) who is at a loss for words at the situation. Because Max’s boyfriend Kenny (John Reynolds, playing Judge Reinheld from The Santa Clause here) is an avid Law & Order watcher, he will likely know the legal ramifications of tying up someone against their will and keeping them hostage. For those interested: That is a federal crime and can get up to life in prison (this is stated in the movie, but is actually true). Unsure what to do next after weighing the options, Max calls her witch cousin who sends them a potion for Isaac to drink so he’ll forget the last 48 hours. Will this MK Ultra-lite trail by fire work or is Iris going to learn that orange is the new black?
The first act of Oh, Hi! Is a genuinely charming movie filled with cute likable characters. Even their names sound like an adorable couple: Iris and Isaac. At no point did I feel the film was in danger and this in lies the danger: It doesn’t go much past this moment. What will Iris do to “prove” to Isaac that she’s not some crazy woman? Well, you did leave him chained to a bed and put on a grade school dance recital for him to watch and your friends, regardless of the swearing and lighthearted nature, aren’t helping.
What’s the plan after this? Would anyone actually stay and think, “Gee, she was right! All I needed was 12 hours locked in a room being berated to convince me!” I guess we don’t really think too clearly when we believe we’re in the wrong and the other person (regardless of being clear) is in their right.
Kenny (John Reynolds) and Max (Geraldine Viswanathan) as the “ride or dies”
Oh, Hi! Is a movie that doesn’t do any harm but brings nothing to the table. The wonderful acting by Gordon (who is a co-writer on this) is lost on the directing of Sophie Brooks (the other co-writer). There’s moments when you see her insanity but then you realize she’s just a woman who wants to be loved and is upset that no one would love her. Lerman has released himself from the shackles of childhood stardom to be a serious actor. His portrayal of a right swiping machine works on every level, especially to those who know the game. Viswanathan is charmingly good in a character that would normally be written as a political influence but instead is comedic relief. Reynolds channels his inner Judge Reinhold to play a soft, understanding gentle giant who’s stuck in a situation where only he could point the characters in the right direction for all parties.
What we have is a great short film stretched to the point of a feature. In fact, Seinfeld had an episode about this very same story and that worked very well. It’s not to say this is a bad movie, but it wouldn’t be my first pick to take on a long weekend.
Oh, Hi! Is currently in theaters.
Directed: Sophie Brooks
Writers: Sophie Brooks, Molly Gordon
Stars: Molly Gordon, Logan Lerman, David Cross, Geraldine Viswanathan, John Reynolds
Genre: Dark comedy
Rated R
Rutime: 94 mins
Classic American Movies 
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